Revenge is convenient. It’s a short term remedy for a lifelong disease. It makes you feel good, planning and plotting, and along the way, and it can be quite funny, if it’s “innocent” enough. Truthfully, when is revenge innocent? It’s the heart’s battle cry in a field full of broken dreams and scars. It has no end, nor joyous outcome. It’s a prescription of an antibiotic that looses it’s effectiveness with time, leaving the virus of bitterness and hate behind, with no cure or innoculate.

Affairs of the heart often seem complex and at times debilitating to sort through the hurdles of emotions one may or may not intentionally leave behind for us to deal with. It’s unfortunate, but in reality, they do not hold that much power, unless, we have decided long before that it is in us to give to them.

It is rightly said that “ no one person can make another happy.” Of course events we share with another are adventurous and joyful, but we often confuse the happiness of circumstance we share with others to our inward happiness, and create an often times hard to distinguish delusion of the two, creating a dependence and reliance on our loved one that is unrealistically unattainable.

For instance “ He makes me laugh” is a saying we often use, but neglect to distinguish our heart’s feelings until we find we have in someway lost the person. We beat ourselves up over this one comment, and begin to think that all hope is lost, and we’ll never find another to replace or at least come into comparison of how he or she made us feel.

“ I am nothing without him” is another thought that attacks the mind when we find ourselves in situations when we are alone. In reality, when we face the truth, we were someone, and something before we met that person, it is nothing more than our heart deluding us into investing all we are, or can be in another person.

How do we remedy the problem? One way is to be sure of our needs before we enter a relationship. To have a healthy sense and portrayal of oneself is extremely important for any sort of healthy relationship. Sometimes this is easier said than done, in a society rich in handfuls of high goals, and fistfuls of letdowns and dreams. We live in a reality of dog eat dog, and might is right. This world has grown cold and it’s important that we do not allow loves that are lost to trap us into the dark allies of society leaving us broken, and battered, making walls of vows that hide what little is left of our emotions; hatred spilling into our family life.

Often times, the remedy doesn’t come until after the pain and anguish of the heart alerts us. There is hope! Struggling through a loss does not mean that all hope is lost It can be used as an opportunity. Sometimes the best revenge is to live well and that comes from within.

Never should we let any sort of relationship define who we are. It is a deadly combination that leads to terminal results, not only for the relationship but for each of us personally.

The only way to recovery after is to search deep within, and discover the person you once were, and allow the growth of the relationship to define who you are to become.

You have to realize that you are more than what you think at this moment as you deal with the loss your heart seems it cannot bear. There is a new horizon, and you will endure another sunset in the arms of someone again, it takes time, and with time takes healing.

Only you can allow yourself to heal in a positive way and searching for the empowering qualities that somehow got buried as the time of your relationship went on, is the key to allowing a future full of hopes and dreams that begin and end with you, not someone or anyone else.

“ If it’s gonna be, it’s up to me.” It’s a saying that I used in my life to help me define who I am and who I wanted to become. I wasn’t and still am not proud of the fact that I allowed many different relationships dictate who I was, and I suffered greatly for it.

Hindsight is always a hundred percent, and I have leaned on my own brand of “ no shoulda woulda coulda’s.” I have never allowed myself the opportunity for self hate and depravity of looking at what I didn’t do to solve a situation I am now presently in.

It is a scary situation we all face, the ‘ now what” at the end of a relationship. And often times we look back at other past histories and say “ if only she or he did that” I wouldn’t be here. There’s a long list of blame, and the finger is never pointing towards ourselves in a way that brings growth and understanding. The finger is always pointing indirectly at ourselves with the owness on someone else.

Who we are is not defined in other people’s perceptions, this is a false sense of security and perception. What we think of ourselves should never come from the positive or negative from others or how they treat us. Self love is more beneficial than self loathing and self pity.

If one allows those negative qualities to develop, revenge sets in, and sometimes it rears it’s head in an innocent prank, or malicious lie, but more times than not, revenge unintentionally turns inward, like a pathogen spreading diseased bacterium deliberately to the heart leading to depression or even suicide.

How can you find yourself again. Have you ever loved yourself? Self love is different than having an ultra ego. It’s a positive outlook of your being. Do you have goals, and wants and desires. Do you allow yourself to dream, or do you dream big and fall hard?

It is essential to start little and take things one day at a time. Take time for yourself, and allow yourself to enjoy moments in the day by yourself. Use alone times within your relationships, or if your relationship has ended, take the opportunity to spend time alone, and spend some time with “you”. Enjoy who you are, look forward to who you can become.

It took time to develop skills and likes and dislikes. Learn to let yourself off the hook so to speak, and allow the downfalls to be upswings or learning curves. Use them as opportunities that haven’t developed into conclusions.

Begin to take responsibility for your failures and mishaps in life, and look towards improvement. Take the time to discover your likes anew, or discover something else.

We all are not who we once were, and although reflecting is healthy, staying stuck in the past isn’t.

Despair should never define who you are. Building self confidence and learning to love yourself again, with all your flaws is essential to becoming the best person you can be. Not for anyone else, but for yourself!

“ To thine own self be true.” ( Who said that anyway?)

God bless,

And take care of you.