When people mention the word love it is usually in reference to romantic love, to relationships that involve two people who are attracted to each other. Even the word 'relationships' usually refers to relationships between two people of the opposite sex who are in a romantic relationship. However, most people love many people; they love their parents, siblings, friends and relatives. Most people feel that they have different kinds of love for different people in their lives. Love for a parent is different to love for a spouse for example, which is different to love for a sibling, though that love may be similar to love for a parent.

The greatest love the world could ever know was Jesus on the cross. It was not a feeling, it was an action. It was the ultimate passion and sacrifice. He put everyone elses need before His own. Everyone needs a Saviour and Jesus put that need first. This is where love starts. This is how God wants us to love - putting the other person's need first. This applies to all relationships.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son" John 3:16. God sacrificed His one and only son and Jesus sacrificed His life for us. This is love. Love is about sacrifice. This doesn't necessarily mean we have to always make big and dramatic sacrifices. Sometimes we may just be a bit inconvenienced. We may go somewhere that we don't really want to go because the other person wants to go there. Go around the shops because our partner wants to go, watch a sports match because our partner loves the sport and wants us to share the experience.

Jesus said "love your neighbour as yourself" Matthew 19:19, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27. This means we should loves ourselves in a healthy way and love everyone else in the same way. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16. God loves every one of us so much; each of us is precious to Him. Know this and remember it. Love yourself knowing that you are so loved by Him. Every human being is precious to God. He wants us to love everyone this way.

Love even applies to our enemies - Jesus said: "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" Matthew 5:44; "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28. Who are your enemies? Do you have any at all? Sometimes those who you love, that is those whom you feel great love for, will do things that may make you feel almost the opposite. They will hurt you with an act or by what they say. But, pray for those who mistreat you. Forgiveness is crucial. If someone hurts you forgive quickly and keep no recored of the wrong done to you (see 1Corinthians 13:4-7 below). This doesn't mean that you should keep going back for abuse, if this is what is happening, physical, emotional or verbal, but forgiveness is freeing.

1Corinthians 13:4-7 gives a great outline of love in action: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Unfortunately, in our society, we are encouraged to get what we can from relationships, especially romantic relationships. What does this person do for me? What does this person give me? This person makes me feel good. The focus is on me me me. However, love is not self-seeking. There is nothing wrong with someone making you feel good and you enjoying that feeling but that should not be your focus. The focus should be 'What can I do for this person?' 'How can I meet this person's needs?' 'How can I be kind to this person?'

In this society, most romantic relationships involve sex. That's just the way it is. God wants us to enjoy sex within the boundaries of marriage because He wants to protect us. Love protects. We can protect each other by holding back physically, even when both people want to go further. But it is not just in matters of physical intimacy that we protect each other. We can protect each other's hearts by the things we say, and, more importantly, the things we don't say. Holding back words can be the best way to protect someone's heart. Sometimes we need to hold back from telling someone how we feel. "let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate" 1Thessalonians 5:8

Love is not self-seeking - this may mean not even getting too close to someone even if you want to very much. If you are not ready for marriage then why are you getting so close to another person? Is it because they make you feel good? Is it because you are in love with them? Is it because you are lonely and want a partner? Is it because you like the idea of being in a relationship and you like romance? Is it because everyone else has a partner? Is it because you need to try out partners in order to find out what is right for you? Love is not self-seeking remember. We have a term in our society: Mr/Miss Right Now. We hear some people saying 'S/he's not Miss/Mr Right but Miss/Mr Right Now.' I wonder how the other person would feel if they heard this. Do you really need to try out partners in order to know that you want someone who will show you respect or someone who will not abuse you in any way? Do you need to try out different partners in order to find out that you like people who are very romantic? And what about those people who marry the first person that they have a relationship with - did they not need to try out different partners in order to know what they like and don't like OR did they happen to meet their ideal partner the first time that they dated someone? What about those people who married their 2nd, 3rd, 4th or a much later partner - did they need to try out different partners OR did they just not meet their ideal partner until the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or later try? Maybe some of these people met their ideal partner in their 1st, 2nd 3rd etc relationship but the partner was not ready for marriage so the relationship ended. What if you're in love but not ready for marriage? Being in love is a feeling. Infatuation can sometimes be mistaken for being in love.

Sometimes when a person is in love they end up creating an illusion of the other person, that doesn't include the actual flaws of the person. They can ignore the person's flaws or even not see any at all. But we all have flaws. After a while the person in love may fall out of love, or reality will set in and they see the flaws. Things don't seem so good. They're not sure if they really want to be with the person. Love and being in love are two very different things. You love someone despite their flaws. You choose to love someone everyday. Love is in it for the long ride. There's nothing wrong with being in love. There's nothing wrong with feeling love. But real love, that lasts forever, accepts the other person even if they would like them to change some of their ways. Approach love from the angle of Jesus on the cross, rather than little red hearts.

"so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him." John 13:4-5. "When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" He asked them. "You call me 'teacher' and 'Lord' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."" John 13:12-15.

Love is about service. Jesus showed this by the washing of his disciple's feet. Serving the other person is loving them. Love is not self-seeking can be tied in with this.

"Love must be sincere" Romans 12:9. Don't say something that you do not mean just because you think it is the right thing to say. Sometimes people say or do things in order to get what they want; once again, remember that love is not self-seeking.

"love builds up" 1Corinthians 8:1 This is where our words are important. We need to watch our tongues. Always speak to build someone up, not tear them down. This is what it means to love. "Do everything in love" 1Corinthians 16:14.